I am SERIOUSLY too sensitive....
I wrote this blog yesterday. but dunno what happen, the blog started to have error...
Yestersday, i felt terribly sad or can say i am thinking too much bah.... It all happened during our bio class...
My bio cher was actually talking about my illness. (For those who dunno, I have Diabetes Type 1.) I felt so shy and embarrassed whenever he say the word "Diabetes." I thought i was prepared for whatever he will say on this topic. But this word "Diabetes" make me feel so awkward. He did not "酸" or say anything that hurt me. But it was how i felt towards this topic. I felt so strange and even told RuiLing that i want to leave the class until my cher finish his lesson.
To be honest, i am so afraid to tell people i have this illness. In my primary school life, i have never tell anyone before about my illness. I think that RuiLing or Audrey should be the first few to know about my illness.
Once my doctor asked me: "Are you able to accept the fate that you are born with this disease?" I had thought it a long time... When i was young, i did not think too much of my own illness. When i was young, i thought taking injections and blood glucose was nothing big deal for me. When i was young, i thought my parents did not give me sweets as they were afraid that i was unhealthy. When i was young, I did not know that my illness cannot be cured completely and the problems i would face. Now, i am more older. I know what is diabetes. (Of Course La! I Bio students leh!) I could feel the pain when i take my injections three times a day and blood glucose test two days a time! I know that i am unable to eat sugary food. I know that what would i become if i dun hab my medication.
As i am older, i become to be more rebellious. I eat sugary food, the more i take, the more i want to have it again. You may think that i am trying to harm and hurt myself if i continue this way. But would anyone understand the hardship i face since young? Have any young kids not take sweets stuff before? Have anyone try taking injections at the age of two? Have anyone go to hospital as frequently as i do as if the hospital had already been my second home since young? Have anyone know that it is difficult to be a child who is down with a illness? These are all the things i have to face since young and also now.
I do not mind all the difficulties i have to face but i just can't fully accept the fate of having this illness. I do not want to be sick, i want to be healthy like everyone in this world, i want to be normal! Who want to be unhealthy and sick? NOBODY, i believe!
Whenever my parents fought over money problems, i would hide under my blanket and cried. I think that my family problems actually came from me. If i am actually not sick, they wouldn't have to spend so many money on me for my illness. I felt like a "Jinx" in this family, if i was not born, a lot of things would not have happened. That's the reason why i try to study hard for my examination, i would like to get the edusave award and give my parents the money to lessen the money problem face at home. I am still very happy to be able to be in this family.
RuiLing and Kia Yim had told me to tell my bio cher about my illness (Maybe he actually know le) so that when he started talking about it, it wouldn't hurt me! They said that he was a nice guy and would understand it. But i did not want to tell him at all! He has the responsibility to teach as about diabetes. (Actually he did not talk much about it!) I think he might not remember a sentence he once told me actually had quite affected me. That sentence was: "I am not diabetic, i dunno!". I felt like: Hey there's someone who is diabetic in front of u! Anyway it's fine for him to say that since he was clueless about my illness. i would go and forget about it! =) I also dun wanna him know, later he stop me from eating this, eating that... hahaz... anyway...
Life would be the same for me! I would be happy everyday... a HAPPY GO LUCKY girl... A person who is always looking at the bright side of life... A girl who will stay strong and be tough in all obstacles that will come to me! I will be like any normal people, so do not be shocked when i tell u my illness... hahaz.... =)

TO ALL WHO FEEL SAD:
ALWAYS REMEMBER TO SMILE CUZ A SMILE IS A CURVE THAT SETS THINGS STRAIGHT.... =)