Haiz... How do i do?
Finally the speech day ended. Tiring day for me today! Legs pain till siao!
Haiz... dunno how i do todae? Think badly ba! Something bad happen... Think it's my fault! I am really sorry abt it! Maybe i shouldn't be the person afterall. I dun even think i have the quality to be one! I am really sad.... I felt that i am so not suitable for that position i have to hold. I am still not up to the standard and expectation ba! I really feel very confused... think i shouldn't be part of the nomination of the position in the first place... =(
firstly, i would like to sincerely apologise if i pronouce or did not read the words correctly... i have really try my best...
secondly, if i did not do my ushering and welcoming job well, i am sincerely sorry!
Sorry... Sorry.... that's all i can say to comfort myself...
Maybe it's true ba, i am really can't make it to the standard of what the position have to be! I can't deny i have been reminded by teachers abt how i have to behave. Things purely and simple like attire and the way i walk, i can't do it well. I am tardy with my attire, i walk like a gangster... I can't speak well properly and with confidence. All these things have really shown that i shouldn't have be in the position in the first place.
I can't deny i am someone very rebellious. When i told my friends i am HP, they were shocked and i think they can't believe i am the one because they were expecting the other two candidates who are more presentable, outspoken, well-disciplined. I am someone different, someone who would not follow the rules, someone who is very likely to break rules, someone who don't have the right to be the role model for the rest to see. Just like Joyce say, out of so many HP in this school, i can say is the most "BAD" and rebellious person. Even though, i can influence others but that doesn't mean anything! I am not a good role model! A good role model is the most basic things a HP should have. I dunno why i am typing all this out, but i just feel this way. I know RL and Christina have tried very hard to encourage me but i know everything abt myself very well! I know exactly what person am i! I know i can't be someone who is a good role model! I am really striving very hard to meet the expectations. But I am still not doing well. I can see from their eyes! Maybe i am perfectionist! But i know i can't take this anymore! I would go crazy one day! I just feel that i am unlike the others two candidates who can meet up to expectations! I am really getting tired le!!!
Typing the words above are just my pure feelings, I did not mean to disappointed anyone. I think is just that i am not confident and is disappointed abt myself. I felt that i have given myself many chances to change but NO i did not. It's getting more and more tiring le! I hope i can have determination and carry on!
I can't give up so easily! I believe i have the ability since they have chosen me to be the one! So i should try to be better, i hope not to disappoint anyone again!
Feeling very confused and discouraged! Where have the old "ME" gone to? the old "ME" who would not give up easily? the old "ME" who can overcome all challenges that come? the old "ME" who used to be happy-go-lucky? the old "ME" who is carefree? the old "ME" who smiles and have fun everyday? just where did the old "ME" go? I think i am lost and trying hard to find back the ORIGINAL ME!!!
