AH... How can say i "名誉扫地"...
Hi. One more day to the ending of my prelims.
Today feel veri moody because i think i gt rejected for DSA. of course la, i must have really think too highly of myself! (this is wat KY always say..)
actually today at the canteen, i was with KY, Nana and RL. i had already wanted to cry. But i told myself i cannot cry. So i try to lay down on the table. I was closing my eyes but tears had actually been formed. I wiped it away using my jacket. (Luckily KY, Nana and RL never see!) then Huiling came to tap on my shoulder. I did not wake up at first cuz still crying. But when she speak into my ears, i hab to wake up le. I looked up, use my hands to rub my eyes.... hahaz... fortunately, they did not feel or know that i had cried....
DSA... i hab really hope i could get in.... but days after days, no news! Think i am kanna rejected. Of course la... poor results... poor leadership abilities.. poor.... bad... stupid....
Haiz... which sch would actually wanna ppl like me... so lack of abilities. no motive in life. no objective in life. Dun even know wat i wan. I see RL and Nana and KY deciding on wat they wanna do, but me, all i could do was to stay silent. I have no opinions. I do not know what i want. What i wanna do in the future, to be exact! Haiz... I dunno... i just feel i have no talents and abilities, even no interest. What am i doing? I feel so hopeless and useless. I think i will fail my prelims. I think i will flunked all my subjects. I think i do badly, seriously... I hab really try my very best. Nothing seems to be very good. I am really worthless, aren't I? So shameless of me to be so thick-skinned to apply for DSA. sometimes, i just feel i do not know my own limits....

All these while, it had been only PC who knows i am sad. He told me he hardly see me smile nowadays, he ask me abt my problems (of course i say nothing), he try to help me! He try his best to joke around. Thanks a lot. It feel so much better with his jokes. His ERIC, his LUO HUA LIU SHUI. Haha... it's so funni.... He is so different from other teachers. He seems like a father to me... Just like Mr Png... Advice, encouragement, jokes that all i want now... I am really lacking of it... because i am getting more and more depressed abt my prelims and disappointments in my performance.
I told myself to work hard, but i know i really had not try hard enough, i can push myself to do better. My bio paper on thur was bad. i knew how to do paper one. it was easy, i bet our bio cher just wanna help pull up our grades. Then when it came to paper two. I knew the paper was easy, But i can't answer the questions. To face the reality, to state the fact, i did not study hard enough, right? Hahaz... That's me... who ask me to not forcus studies... who tell me to play during sec 3. Now i regretted.... I dunno y... ppl say academic aren't important... but reality have proved otherwise. Academic is always the priority factor. haiz... results i have, hahaz... think can only get to myself to ITE...

Haha... gt mr leong recording today! FUNNY sia... He can't even remember his kou tou chan "Your O Level is coming!!!" Haha... still need our reminder... But anyway, feel so great tat least finish his recording. Haiz... kanna sour by him, i told him that i would use my reputation to ensure his recording would be safe. Then he say i where gt reputation, my reputation already 名誉扫地.... dunno wat he mean by that, maybe he say it just for fun. But rolling feel otherwise, she told me abt the junior incident, think it might be one of the reasons...

Haiz... this few days i become MUMMY... to rolling and Nana and KY. haiz... i younger than them lor... But anyway, it's funny but i still think this kind of joke can't be play too far. I do not want another misunderstanding between me and HIM (you guys should know who!) or even the other. One had been enough! I still can stand it now... But in the future, i might get irritated. I had already learnt to be like him, trying to ignore..... anyway, it's ok! It's just a rumour.... nothing said will actually happen in reality. Use your brain... or even your **tt..... u will definitely know we are impossible. You think this kind of love will happen. NEVER... AND IMPOSSIBLE.... this is not a fairy tale. Get down to Earth, it would never happen and i think it had never happen before... so stop daydreaming that we might be together... my dear "DAUGHTERS"...
haiz... feeling very^1000 down these days... is there any sale of medicine that can make me happy or even help me get out of these situation... Tons and Tons of things... Millions and Millions of unhappiness... Thousands ad thousands of worries.. Hundreds and hundreds of disencouragement and rejection.... I just wanna be FREE... AND HAPPY... and one day, i hope to find my aim of life.... For now, i would just wanna forcus on my studies.... =)